Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My youth hurts

I have always liked being young. Possibly because I've never known anything else. I was born young and will continue to be young for the next...mmm...6 years and 6 weeks (30 is old right?).

But every night between 8pm and midnight I continually feel guilty for being young. Apparently life in this 'modern' age just isn't worth living. I've missed out on music's golden age, I don't remember the days when celebrities were truly classy and now all the buildings around town are being redeveloped into awful tacky cold monstrosities.

And don't even get me started on how the Internet is killing the art of letter writing, face-to-face contact and pretty much everything else.

I have no manners, no respect, no appreciation for real culture, no soul.

I'm going to go crawl in a hole and wait until I'm 65 and I can truly appreciate what I've missed.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My complaining hurts

Ironically, the purpose of this post is to complain about complaining.

In fact it is monumentally hypocritical of me - who set up a blog for the sole purpose of complaining, but oh well deal with it. It's my blog i can do whatever I want. Stop reading if you have a problem. JEEZ.

SO, I thought I was a fairly accomplished complainer. But let me tell you there are people of the elderly persuasion out there who put me to absolute shame. Last week one woman called up at 10pm to complain about some female newsreader who was reading a story about the death of a young boy. The young boy's name was Miles and apparently said newsreader at one point in the story was foolish enough to say "Miles'S family" rather than "Miles' family"!!!


Well let me tell you, this caller was actually irate. She kept saying things like "honestly I can't see why we can't even get grammar right. What is the world coming to" and "there was absolutely no need for that extra s" as if the extra s actually cost her something. Sorry to waste your precious time be including an extra single letter.

Not only that, but we have a male news reader from 6.00pm onwards so this must have been at least FIVE HOURS earlier. She's been sitting at home stewing about this for FIVE HOURS before she couldn't take it anymore and felt the need to unleash her grammar related indignation on my innocent self.

Well OLD LADY - here's a news flash. Apostrophe 's' after a name is completely acceptable so shut the hell up. And even if it wasn't, don't go getting shitty at me for another person's mistake. And holy shit, a kid died and all you took away from that story was a perceived (incorrectly mind you) grammatical error.

You are a sad sad human.

Stay tuned for my theory that Old Personness is a life style choice, not a fact of life.

Monday, November 9, 2009

My pesto-induced bloatedness hurts

I am developing a theory that pesto is the Devil's food. It is delicious, yes. But the Devil is a temptress so would not condone an unpleasant tasting food. It is delicious but evil, as I always feel sickly after consuming.

At first I thought it was just that basil/cashew/pesto chunky dip stuff, and more specifically the fact that I would eat the majority of a tub in one sitting. But the more I think about it, the more I can trace numerous upset tum experiences to the consumption of various forms of pesto.

Is it the intense amounts of oil? Is it the nuts?

OR is it the Devil's malevolent presence amongst this condiment that is reacting so distastefully with my biological self?


Friday, November 6, 2009

My Camera hurts

Yesterday I welcomed a brand new baby Nikon D60 to the family.

She's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Now if I only I could work out what all those darn buttons mean.

Do you know what? Guess Who is a great game. It's fun to play the 'reinforcing cultural stereotypes' variation of the game where instead of asking about physical characteristics you say things like "Would your person like hip hop music?" or "Did your person finish high school?" This allows you to make harsh assumptions about the characters on the basis of class, gender and race. Fun for the whole family!

I am really good at this version of the game.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My Bjork Hurts

I love love love Bjork.

She is Lucas' Pawpaw Ointment to the chappy soul.

My sould is a bit chappy tonight so I will listen to Homogenic til I slumber.